In speaking with many different people I hear a lot of feedback in the area of not feeling fully empowered in the bedroom. If you are in a serious relationship with someone or are in the beginning stages these tips will help you keep that chemistry above a simmer.
1.) Set a Time for Play Time
People often say that they don’t have time for hours of romping around in between the sheets. They seem book their schedule with gatherings, tv program viewing, dinners, movies, the list is endless. Try instead, scheduling things that help you connect with your partner. Use the time that you would spend watching a movie and be with each other, naked. Not drinking, or talking about work just being present, sensual and sexual beings with each other. Enjoy the process of drinking each other in, gazing, and sweating all of the goodness you can create. Make it delicious, luxurious, and long.
2.) Ask For What You Want
Since you have made the time to play with your partner it’s time to use it wisely. Ask for what you want them to do to you. This is not the moment where you say, "whatever you want is what I like", let’s just own up to that very rarely lines up to what WE really want in that moment. If you aren’t sure what it is that you enjoy, perhaps set aside some time to learn yourself more so that you can answer fully, “I like it when you do this.” Confidence is key and this help you feel empowered with your lover. When you are feeling confident you be more desirable to your partner, no one wants to sleep with a door mat.
3.) Eye Gazing
Eye Gazing may sound like a cheesy thing to do, but I can tell you from personal experience that it is one of the sexiest, most potent things I have ever done. The tendency in sex is to check out, to start thinking about other things. The check out can be thinking about what you are going to do after the sex, or worrying about body issues. The key point is that you have lost the true connection with your partner because you are in your head and not your heart and body. How to get reconnected with your partner and out of your head is to eye gaze. Look into each other’s eye and breathe. If one person wants to look away, make a game to see how long you can hold the gaze in different positions. Allow yourself to be present in your love making and I guarantee it help you feel more empowered in many ways other than just sexually.
There you have it, my three quick tips for empowerment in the bedroom. If you are having a sex with someone you should be able to create some time to spend naked having fun with each other, being able to ask for what you want, and looking at them while you do the things you just asked for. If you answer no to some of these, well, that’s another blog or contact me for a session. Just remember to not shame yourself, but rather love yourself where you are at. Sensuality is awakening process not a porn set.