Throw back thursday: promise to myself

This week I am so inspired by Beyonce’s performance from the MTV Video Music Awards.  The part I especially loved is the quote from Chimamanda Nogzi Adiche.  
The full quote is, “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you would threaten the man.
Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same?
We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.”

The following is a journal entry from when I started to wake up back into myself.  
Januray 21st 2007 at 9:54am DFW airport 

Well as scary as it is I have come to many conclusions to my month of self exploration and discovery at home with family.  Although, it was a short break, I’ve made huge moves within myself.  I have been meeting boys and fucking them for years, and yes that’s enjoyable to a point, but then I’m left feeling empty inside.  I love sex, but I’m over just getting fucked.  I deserve to be loved and worshipped, and not just someone’s play toy.  If I do want to fuck someone he will respect me then it's okay.  This whole thing may sound contradicting, but to me it makes perfect sense.  A part of me loves to be made love to and a part of me loves to be fucked, why do I have to choose?  It’s my life.  I’ve got hurdles to jump over and conquer on this but I’m ready.  Please universe give me strength when I’m tired or weak.  Help me have faith in myself and stick up for what I want.  Keep those away from me that are parasitic and just want to suck the life blood out of me.  The new Liz will be unshakable, strong, see and love myself for what and who I truly am.  I am a beautiful, intelligent, fun-loving, loyal, and strong woman!!! 

It is okay to be sexual, intense, intelligent, emotional, and strong.  It is okay to decided you want to change something then revert back to your old ways, just bring more awareness into your actions the next time.  It is amazing to be yourself.  It is beautiful to be vulnerable.  It is beautiful to be all the parts of who you are. It's okay to be all of things as a man or woman. No filters needed.  I send you all love and light.  

---