In the world of Hollywood and fashion, there seems to be this intense focus on the less you wear, the more empowered you are. From Beyonce’ dress at the Met Gala to MIley’s performance at the VMA’s, the message is clear: wearing less is more.
It is true that sex sells, but what kind of sex are we selling? Are we selling the kind of sex that makes men respect women? And more importantly are we selling the kind of sex that allows us as women respect ourselves?
So this fuels the question: what does it mean to be sexually empowered? Does it simply mean feeling comfortable with being naked? Or is it the “power” that comes with feeling indifferent about those you sleep with?
Does it mean you feel comfortable grinding on things and sticking your tongue out at every moment? What truly defines sexual empowerment?
For me, in my own journey of sexual empowerment I had to look at 3 different aspects of my life to fully actualize my sexual power.
1.) If you are engaging in any form of sex ONLY to make someone else happy, you aren’t sexually empowered.
2.) If you are doing something to validate your worthiness of love, you aren’t sexually empowered.
3.) If you are sleeping/hooking up with someone to feel good about yourself, or to distract from your life are not sexually empowered.
To be sexually empowered is to own your sexuality and have respect for your body, mind, and spirit. This is where we got lost with our sexual empowerment. We focus on the act of “fucking" and not the feeling we get in our mind, body and soul ??
In our society, media outlets like, social media, the celebrity gossip, and even what we watch would have us believe that if you flaunt it, then you are sexually empowered. Or if you have a lot of sex and party, then you are sexually empowered. If you say the word cock or pussy on t.v. then that makes you a sexual goddess.
To me, we are so lost from the true beauty that emanates from a true sexually empowered goddess. One of my favorite quotes from a total boss goddess, Audrey Hepburn, says this,
“There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don't need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain.”
That being said, I think what Audrey is also speaking to in this quote is confidence. A woman that is in love with herself is innately sexy. You can feel the energy coming off of her. There is this intoxicating force and you wait with bated breath for this beautiful goddess to shine a light on you.
This isn't about self deprivation of your sexually and turning us back to the Puritans either. Sexual empowerment is checking in with what is motivating your sexual drive and choices.
I, myself have struggled with self worth issues and sexual disempowerment. I used to think I was very sexually empowered because I could just not feel attached to the person and just, “have fun”.
Through the years of my spiritual awakening, I learned that I was trying to love myself through the attention of men. It was just so easy to reel them in. But no matter how many liked me, or how many hearts I broke, nothing could shift the big hole that was inside of me.
I know how appealing it can be to just stick with the hyper sexualized version of yourself, versus being vulernable and being you.
Just because you dress sexy, or have sex doesn’t mean you worthiness within. Do you connect with the partners that you have? Do you feel like you walk away having respect for yourself and the choices and actions you made? Do you feel that you’re worthy of someone totally worshiping you in bed? If someone did worship you in bed, could you even handle it?
My friend, these are some of the questions you might need to ask yourself, to find out if you are truly moving from a place of self love and empowerment in your sexual choices.
We all have our days where something hasn’t gone right or someone hurts us, and we are feeling less then fresh. Perhaps we call an ex to fill the void, get dressed up and go to the club, or jump on tinder to ease our sad hearts. Do you truly feel better after doing any of things? Does it really make you feel happy in the long run?
Perhaps, we can start to shift our perception of what makes someone truly sexually empowered. To me, that is working our largest erogenous zone, the brain. When we move from a place of being centered within ourselves, then we are able to make sexual choices that feel right to us, versus trying to fill a void of self loathing.
Being sexually empowered is being the love of your life to yourself first. We can only love people as much as we love ourselves, and loving yourself is the way to empower yourself sexually and in every other aspect of your life.
I know what it feels like to be so lost on this trail of in a hyper sexual world that has little to no sexual education other than porn or movies.
If you are ready to start waking up your innate right to sexual empowerment, then please jump over to my work with me page Work With Me page and fill out an application.
If you are wanting to be in the best sexual relationship of your life, it starts with the relationship that you have to your own sexuality. Thank you for reading. Please leave any thoughts or comments if you feel compelled to do so.